Why I haven’t been here in a while

Hello there.  I know I have left this page bare for a few months.  I have gone through so many mental ups and downs, but they all seem to revolve around the same things that are going on in my life.  So I guess exhaustion mixed with overall overwhelming feelings and fear of redundancy kept me away from this page.  I didn’t know what to say about it all, and I am strict about what I put on this page because this is a blog about my journey with Christ.

Anyway, I’m back.  Honestly, much hasn’t changed in my life, but a few things have changed for me mentally and spiritually.  Well, let’s put it this way.  There are some things that I am realizing, questions I have, and things that are inside of me that I have to get out.  While I am waiting for God to answer these questions, prayers, and requests I have been asking Him for months now, I need to seek Him in a more personal way and allow Him to reveal to me who He created me to be.

In your 20-somethings, you are naturally trying to search for who you are.  I guess we always expect to find ourselves in high school and college, and then we get disappointed when it didn’t work out that way and we are in our 20s still trying to figure that out.  Well, that’s what’s going on with me anyway.  I desperately want to know who God has called me to be now so I can just go after it.  But I realized there is something missing.  I STILL don’t have a high approval of myself.  I STILL don’t have a strong confident mentality.  I STILL question every last thing about my personality, my thoughts, what I like and what I don’t like.  I STILL don’t know what my passions are, and don’t believe I would know them even if they slapped me in the face.  I have spent some time hating myself for not knowing these things, but I’m tired of feeling that way.  I’m impatient, but I need to be patient.  I know if I take the time to seek God about this, He will show me who I am, and in turn He will show me who He has created me to be.

That being said, there will be more posts.  More words about my discoveries.  More records of my highs and my lows.  Recording it all makes the journey a lot easier, and will help me outline the bigger pictures.  And faithfully, I’ll get the answers I’ve been looking for.


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