This pas Sunday, the Father gave me amazing revelation that I’ve been needing and seeking for a while now. Where should I start? Well, let’s be honest. I’ve been going through a lot lately, and I’ve been in a waiting season where God has me faithfully waiting for Him to make His move when His time is right. And that is totally fine. I love my Father and my faith is unwavering. I know that He has major plans for my breakthrough soon. Of course, that doesn’t always take away from some of the human emotions that might be felt in the midst of a storm, or, even deeper, the thoughts the enemy will try to get you to have about your situation(s). A constant pursuit of Christ; however, will bring joy regardless of those thoughts and emotions. I would say, that my joy has been on point lately. But, my emotions have been all over the place, and I guess I have been trying to figure out why. Well, here’s why.
The struggles that are at the forefront of my life right now (physical health, getting a new job, finances) are emotionally distracting me from the deeper problems that are present as well. That probably sounds weird, but let’s just say there are emotional/spiritual struggles I didn’t even know I was dealing with this entire time, but they have been affecting me and affecting how I react to the struggles I have been very aware of. One of those, is a battle of self-hatred that I have been dealing with my entire life. This is a wall (or several walls) that God has been trying to break down for years. I was listening to a worship song called “Spirit Breakout” by Kim Walker-Smith that talks about Holy Spirit coming to break our walls down, when Holy Spirit revealed to me that this was a huge wall that I needed to let Him break down. I definitely thought I was mostly done with self-hatred, but God showed me this weekend that I still don’t think highly of myself, like, ever. BUT, He also showed me how I can finally get through this struggle.
God delights in me. (And you, too!) He beams with joy at the thought of me. He made me in His image and likeness, which means that the way I am, in His eyes, is already perfect. My constant self-harming, nit-picky, self-comparing thoughts about how imperfect I am are only acts of the enemy. Especially since I have given my life to Christ and have been determined to serve His Kingdom every day, I know Daddy God is especially proud of me. And He cares so deeply about me. How beautiful, right?
So, now I just have to remind myself of this every day to start to fight the enemy in this self-hatred battle. It has to be more than an internal thought reminder, though. It has to be spoken aloud and declared, because the power of life and death is in the tongue.
Psalm 18:19 “He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.”